This is Twenty Eight

Wearing: May Flowers I was one of those kids who always imagined my future self at different ages. I remember telling my best friend at twelve that when we turned seventeen we would have cars and boyfriends. Sadly at seventeen I had neither. In high school I imagined what life would be like at that mystical age of 25. There would be a New York apartment, a job in fashion, and a boyfriend. Perhaps I had a little bit of the Carrie Bradshaw syndrome going on. At least one thing came true at twenty-five and fortunately it was the boyfriend and not what I can only imagine would have been an underpaid job and a shoe box sized apartment. I've even imagined what life will be like at thirty but I'm not sharing so as not to embarrass myself two short years from now. But I never thought about what life would be like today, the day I turn 28.

Here I am firmly entrenched in my late twenties. I have a career, not just a job. I have a future husband, not just a boyfriend. I have a car that I paid for and a work wardrobe and sometimes I buy books from Barnes and Noble instead of getting on the waiting list at the library. In short I am a grown-up.

At the same time I don't feel grown up. Since I turned 22 and graduated college I feel like I should be a grown up. I'm at a grown up age but I don't feel like it at all. I still make mistakes. I still sleep in on weekends. I like to go out Friday and Saturday nights (though admittedly not nearly as late as I used to).  I don't feel responsible at all. I hate paying my bills. What makes me more grown up now than at 18, 22, or 25?

I feel like I've tried a lot, failed a lot, succeeded when it mattered. I think that it's all just part of this growing thing. I always thought I'd know everything by my late twenties and be perfectly comfortable with myself. And you know what? I AM kind of comfortable here. I know enough to get by but not enough to be complacent or to stop trying new things or laughing too loud with my friends or buying clothes instead of saving it. I'm kind of grown up but not enough.

When do you actually become a "grown-up"? On my first day as a twenty eight year old I don't think it's today. Maybe being grown up is a feeling and some day I'll just know. Maybe I'll be like Peter Pan and never grow up. Either way I like it here.