Confession: I Don't Talk About My Blog
Blogging is supposed to be all about sharing: your life, your thoughts, your outfits. As much as you feel comfortable sharing, you share it. I've gotten better in my second year of blogging about sharing more of myself and opening up to the great wide online world what interests and inspires me from the mundane to the ridiculous to the heartfelt. I think I'm getting better at letting these anonymous readers (you) know who I am. So in the spirit of being the real me here on my little blog, I have a confession to make: I don't talk about my blog. I'll tweet about it, I'll link up to it in the comments I leave on the blogs of others but rarely, if ever, do I talk about my blog in my "real" life. Unless they stumbled upon it and never mentioned it, my friends have no idea I write four to five posts a week in this space about anything I choose. They have no idea I make my boyfriend take pictures of me in inconspicuous places for outfit posts or that photos I post on Facebook are just samples of the hundred or so photos I take every week to compose photo-filled posts. I've never talked about how much I enjoy having a blog or that it's really become part of my life like teaching or reading or knitting. I've mentioned it a few times to my mom but never showed her how to get here. My boyfriend is the only person close to me who reads it and comments about it but we never talk about it in front of others.
Though blogging has become such a part of my life, I'm very cautious about sharing it outside of the internet. I think it's part of my need to appear perfect, my constant need to keep everything in my life looking spic and span to everyone I meet, even those who know me. Not saying anything about my blog is also about my need for privacy. Writing a blog can be intensely personal and though I'm not sharing anything life changing or scandalous, I still worry how I will be judged. I'm much more vulnerable when I write than when I talk and knowing people are reading what I have to say makes me nervous.
I want to share my blog but I'm afraid. There, I said it. I'm afraid of being judged for the things I like, the way I dress, what I do. This is something I already went through in college when I started an organization, a sorority. My goals for the sorority were simple: make friends with other young women who had different backgrounds, interests, looks, girls who were just different than me and wanted to make a connection. As amazing my sorority sisters are and how intensely they love the organization I created, I remember what it was like to be judged for doing something different. People would ask me why, not politely but judgmentally, as if I had no idea what I was doing. It was really hard for my ideas to be out in the public and for me to be open to criticism.
I never worry about my friends judging me but I do worry about the other people who will read my blog, read my thoughts, and hate it. It's one thing to say you can brush off the criticism and quite another to allow the criticism and try to move past it. I also wonder if my friends will look at me differently for doing something that, though it's become quite common, is part of another world entirely. They may not say it's weird but are they thinking it?
I don't want to live my whole life separate from this wonderful thing I've created. I don't want to have two lives: my blog life and my real world life. The blog life represents all the things I am but, by not talking about my blog, does my real life represent who I am?
I can't say I am going to post a link to my blog on Facebook tomorrow or I'm going to start handing out business cards with my url across the bottom. But I think it's time to start slowly coming out my blogging "closet" and have an open house for my little corner of the web. Though I'm afraid for people to see me in a new way and to hear (and imagine) what things they have to say about it, I know it'll feel good to give another part of me the recognition it deserves.